Pursuit

I came across a very beautiful quote few days back that said “You can’t be great if you feel happy and contented when people say that you are good”. That was like a punch in the face. I always felt good to be good, but there was a double entendre to that. Part of it was true and part of it constructed, an idea that made me feel better, that I was not a mediocre. Half-truth, as I know I have created a world of my own. Sadly, I'm not even good, forget being great.

In the last few days, laziness overwhelmed and the appreciations made me complacent. There is one more quote that fits right in, “If you were educated yesterday and stopped studying today, you are illiterate tomorrow”. The world has sped at an unbelievable pace and it feels as if I have lagged much behind. I have been rightly commented on my laziness and stubbornness for not writing during the last nine months. A baby would have been delivered by now but I even failed to deliver a scribbling. What was I involved in during all this time? Have I been of any use to any one? Have I spent my resources wisely? At least, was I happy or good? Well, I am not sure. Lots of things happened and some will definitely go to my memory books, good, bad and ugly. I gained many things, regained some, lost few. Happening, it has been but productive? No. If life is all about changes, why am I not getting any? Patching and creating are two different things. I have been tired of patching and reviving. An effort of dispersing all worries with smoke has burnt my lungs. I want a breath of fresh air. Luckily I have got my totem back and it all feels real now as the world of dreams that I used to live in looks distant. The fantasies that I used to create and pamper no longer pamper me. I have learnt the truths the bitter way as complacency is no virtue and the only thing that is here to stay is practicality. However its hunger and passion that makes one practical and victorious. I can feel that my appetite has weakened over the days and compassion has replaced passion. Good part is that I have somewhat understood my problems and the only task left is to fix them.

Hence the pursuit starts here or precisely the “inception” of pursuit starts. In fact, it is the idea that pushes you and builds the world around you. Next thing is to identify the people who share your dream and the projections required for you to help you make a way out of the maze. Family and friends are those who act as your obedient and potential team and who will be there to help you overcome all odds but there will also be fair-weather friends, frienemies(a portmanteau of a friend who can stab you at the back), unwelcome responsibilities, guilt and sad memories of the past which will always be there slowing your pace on the journey but these factors can’t be avoided but can only be compromised. The trick is to how soon you learn to tackle them. For me, I am still in the process of learning.

Just like the "Pursuit of Happyness", my pursuit will be for solace and of course success. Success in existence and persistence. Conquering the realms of life and the vastness of it will be my motto. Time has come to beautify and not just to behold. If changes don't enter by themselves I'll bring them in. Emotions might be hurt, relations might be put to test and I may suffer the most leaving the cozy bed that has given me a wonderful rest. But I am tired of being immobile like a heap of trash inside a golden bin. I want to be useful and available.I have always wanted to.

I strive to dream and look beyond the horizon for at least I can enjoy the abstract pictures in the sky for real. I vow to laugh my heart out for making someone smile or wonder. I pledge to pursue my goals or in worst case identify them. Life is calling and I will live it for real.